We fail, more often than we would like to experience. I failed so many times that I lost the count. I have failed from business deals to jobs to my personal life. There were periods in my life when I did not feel like getting out of bed. I was too depressed to go to work and face others. I wanted to be invisible.
Causing misery to the core of one’s being, failures can be a slow process. It is sort of like a trainwreck unfolding in front of your eyes. The only difference is that it is happening to you. It can happen all of a sudden. It can happen overnight. Sometimes it could be beyond your control. You could be doing good and all of a sudden, you are thrown under the bus.
When it happens, it hits hard, and it hurts. How do you move on from there? How do you get out of that state of being hopeless? How do you get back on track?
Ready for another lap. Going through my experiences of failures, I started experimenting.
What works and what does not work? How do I get out of the situation quicker than before? How can I prepare myself before I face failure?
1. Be friend to failure
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
Denis Waitley
Build a friendship with your failures. Treat them as if they were a part of your life and not some unexpected guests. You have to treat failure like a close friend of yours. To build this friendship is to push yourself to the edge and start experimenting. Start small. But, remember the more you fail, the more you get to know failure.
2. Take Responsibility
A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else .
John Burroughs
When things go wrong, take responsibility. Don’t blame others. Failure makes us feel helpless. If we blame others, we only increase the helplessness further. It is a downward cycle. When you take responsibility, you are in control. You are the one in charge. You will feel less depressed and more empowered. You will come out of the hole quicker.
3. Have Options
Whenever you are given two choices, look out for the third option.
Sara Arinto
There is a saying that the best option is to have options. Always have options. This is somewhat counterintuitive. We have heard the myth of going all in. Experience indicates that people with options are in better position to manage failures.Don’t spend all your waking moment working on your career. The company may go bankrupt out of nowhere. One fine morning, you may not have a career any longer.
Build a balanced life.
What are your options if your main source of income is no longer there? What do you fall back on? Are you building enough options in your life?
4. Be the resilient machine
The most dangerous poison is the feeling of achievement. The antidote is to, every evening, think what can be done better tomorrow.
Ingvar Kamprad
In stoic philosophy, there is a concept of “premeditation of evil”. The practice is to consider all the things that can go wrong before you start your project.
Assume the project has failed. What are the areas to improve upon? Why did it fail?
And prepare your mind accordingly. Everyday when you wake up, think what can go wrong that day. Prepare your mind to be the resilient machine that can face any failure.
5. Focus on the process
I believe in process. I believe in four seasons. I believe that winter’s tough, but spring’s coming. I believe that there’s a growing season. And I think that you realize that in life, you grow. You get better .
Steve Southerland
Faced with failure, focus on the method. Immerse yourself in the process.
Lost your job at the height of your career?
Write down the steps that you will need to take from here. Don’t spend time wondering when you will get your next job or dwelling in the past. Take the first step. Reach out to your network. Make a list and start following up. Follow the process like that is the only thing that matters. One step at a time.
6. Build a a daily routine
Good habits are worth being fanatical about.
John Irving
Have a daily routine. The routine will guide you through difficult times. A good routine is the right mix of:
Physical activities + mental activities + proper rest.
Exercise and meditation and deep sleep. I have written about routines in more detail here. Follow the routine regularly. Turn it into your habit. Something that you do irrespective of where you are in your life. The routine will reinforce your mind that you are in control. Will help to bounce back.
7. Laugh (loudly)
No man is a failure who is enjoying life .
William Feather
Laugh out loud. Watch standup comedies. Spend time with friends that make you laugh.
Even if you do not feel like it.
Laughter serves many purposes. It produces the chemical in your brain that uplifts your mood. Make you ready for another day.
8. Build a network of friends
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them .
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Connect with your old friends. Maintain the current one. Make a time every week to spend time with friends. Build the network actively.
Build a network of true friends.
A good network of friends and family will be your bedrock when things are tough. They are the ones who will accept your mistakes, unconditionally. Accept your failures without questions.
Help you bounce back.
9. Be curious
We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths .
Walt Disney
Remain curious. Ask questions. Keep learning new things. We live in a world of uncertainty. The curious mind will help you navigate. Understand the trend. What is happening in your environment? Why things go wrong when it goes wrong? Even if it does not provide answer, it will show a path.
10. Put failures in context
Not to live as if you had endless years ahead of you. Death overshadows you. While you’re alive and able — be good.
Marcus Aurelius
No failure is large enough in the long run. Time will heal. All failures are temporary in nature. That is the power of time. As long as you are breathing, enjoy the life you have. Put your failures in the context of life and the purpose you have in the world. How insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.
Is any failure larger than life?
11. Be grounded
When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval .
Epictetus
Find meaning in yourself not outside. Many of our anxieties come from our fear of perception. When faced with failure, we worry about perception.
How will society view me? By others?
All of these are temporary. Find strength in the fact that you are the one in the arena. You are the one with the experience. You are the one who tried and failed. The others are spectators at the gallery. Passing opinions and comments.
Build a centered life.
